Joshai (thewhitemage) wrote,

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Adelante! To Xanga?

Recently, I have been considering just abandoning this Live Journal and beginning to post on my Xanga instead. No one goes there, so if I did it without telling anyone, I’d have a nice place to just record my daily thoughts.

I guess that is what this is here for, but due to the lack of comments, I’m beginning to believe that no one really cares much about what is going on in my life at the moment. That’s ok, really. I haven’t shown much interest in many other people’s lives either, so it isn’t unexpected. It isn’t really that I don’t care. I’m just a fairly solitary person…I always have been. So I guess it is sometimes harder for me to put forth the necessary effort.

I originally told myself that I was making this LJ purely for me, and not for any audience. Someone else tells me the same thing about their online journal but then asks me to comment on almost all her entries. Really, there is a certain amount of vanity involved in these things. If we really solely put these up for our own benefit, then there would be no need to make them publicly viewable. Most of us aren’t into the “letting other people watch” type of thing when it comes to our personal lives, so the truth of the matter is that we make these online journals for some sort of recognition from our friends or peers. Ok…I say “we”, but I don’t like it when others try to speak for me either, so I’m sorry. I’ll change that to just “me”. So, ultimately, I say, it is ‘ok’, but I’m not being entirely honest by that. I wanted some sort of recognition. Although, with this post I’m not fishing for it mind you, I’m merely posting my thoughts, as I always do. This is after all, “The Mind’s Sanctuary.”

I guess maybe it is a little discouraging to find that maybe no one really cares all that much about my life. And I’m beginning to wonder if even the one person who I thought cared for sure actually even does care half as much as I thought she did.

Lately I’ve felt so estranged from all of my friends. If I really end up losing my best friend, I don’t think it will help my already-solitary nature. I have trouble enough keeping in touch with most other people besides her that if I lose her, I may never endeavor to keep any close friends ever again. Maybe I’m just being dramatic…as she would say.

This Entry is Dedicated to:
The men at Wal-Mart who developed such an exceptional Coke-substitute.
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